Our Anniversary Day PT. 2

          So it's a few minute shy of 8pm on Brandon and I's first anniversary. No I did not get to talk to him today and no he hasn't gotten to see his present yet, so nothing really exciting to talk about. I am really disappointed though, but I figured that it would be like this. I can't expect him to be able to call, the Army don't care that it's our anniversary. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever he can. Like I said, I was not having any expectations for today because of the disappointing factors that come with it. But deep down inside, I was really hoping and wanting a call or something. I can't expect him to get me anything for our anniversary because he is in Afghanistan, but it would of been nice for him to send me an e-card or get online and order me some flowers. All well. I just think that he is busy, and that stuff never really crossed his mind. So I guess I lied, I did expect something out of this day, did my hair and make up, and got nothing. Mother's Day was the same way to because he was gone. Maybe I feel like that he is using the excuse that he is gone to not have to do anything because I don't expect it. I don't know. Frustrates me a little bit. I see all the time that guys that are deployed with him are sending their spouses flowers and stuff. I really want something, but I don't ask for it. If I had asked for it, I know that I really wouldn't want it then. I hope next year is better. I really love Brandon though and we have survived a year of marriage and almost 2 years of being together. We have been through a lot with our careers and having a baby, moving a lot too. Separation has been hard on us, but we are getting through it!

Our Anniversary Day. PT 1

          After staying up until after 3 am, Brandon did NOT get online. I logged onto his facebook and he hasn't been on in days! This sucks! I see that other people that are deployed with him are able to use the internet, so I know nothing is wrong. Makenna, however, decided to get up at 8 am, sleep again till 9, and then fell asleep again until after 11 am. She has never done that before, so I think that her teeth are going to be coming in soon. All well, it gave me an opportunity to sleep a little bit more. Then my cell phone texts me and tells me I forgot to pay my bill, so my service was interrupted. So after trying to pay it over the phone, online and then over the phone again, and going through a verification process because my debit card goes to a bank that is in Germany, my phone is back on, and was only off for about an hour. I was going to be really angry, but it all worked out. I think because yesterday was one of those days, where it felt like everything was going wrong, so today, things are going to go right, hopefully, and it's mine and my husband's anniversary! I have decided that today is going to be a good day, nothing is going to change that, not even my daughter who wants to get into everything on purpose because she knows that she isn't suppose to. Right now she is in time-out in the pack and play, and I am blogging to de-stress (if that's a word), and move on to my amazing day that I plan on having! I have no expectations, which means, I have no let downs ahead for me! I will however, be disappointed if I can't talk to Brandon today, but that's the Army and that's our lifestyle, I guess. Well, that's what I tell myself to get me through the days!
          He still hasn't seen the pictures yet, so details will have to wait. Moving on. I slept pretty well last night, so I got up and and did my hair and make up. It's a festive day, so why not?

WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          My anniversary gifts came today! I am so excited! It's on a CD, but I am emailing them to him. They are pictures of me. I will explain more after he see's them. Since my anniversary is tomorrow, I am pretty excited for him to be able to see them hopefully tomorrow. I am staying up tonight to see if he gets online! I really hope he does! I am not doing anything for our anniversary though, so I think that I will make up for it next year and do something BIG for him/us! We will be together and what the heck, its our anniversary, why not?
          So I really need need need my husband to skype with me. The plan is this: I emailed all the pictures to Brandon and then I went into his email account and put them in a folder, because I am a sure that he won't even notice a new folder in his email. Then when I skype with him I will tell him to check it out and so I can see his reactions! Good plan, huh???? I hope it works!
          Tonight is going to be a short post. I really don't have much to say. I am staying up in hopes that my amazing husband gets on the internet sometime within the next couple of hours! Talk to ya soon!!!

John Ball Zoo in Michigan

Monkey from Zoo

          Today I took Makenna Sue to her first zoo. We went to the John Ball Zoo in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with my parents, my sister and her husband, and my 2 nephews and 2 nieces! It was 2 car fulls, but we had a blast. Makenna loved it too! She got a little antsy at time, but for the most part, she was an angel. She tried to kiss a baboon through the glass. My 9 month old baby girl loves monkeys! They are her favorites! So, I had to go the gift shop and buy her another monkey! It is perfect too! It is all camouflage. Picture to the right! Isn't it cute? I am going to have Brandon name it for us, since he couldn't be there to pick it out with me. We did however, bring Makenna's Daddy Doll with us so he wasn't left out at all! We try to include him as much as possible.

         

Me at 154 pounds, looking healthy!

          Another highlight of my day was skyping with my husband! It was so amazing after missing him a total number of 3 times, I finally got him! It felt so good. The only down fall was the friends mom, the person I am staying with while I am in Michigan, decided to tell my husband that I am starving myself. I was mad, but I can't be totally mad, because it is partially true. I am never hungry so I don't eat. Then when I do eat, I throw it up. Some of it is stress related, but I am a realist, some of it is my own anxieties and insecurities. I have been losing weight really well and I am actually starting to like my body and I am almost to my goal of losing 20 pounds. I really don't see a problem with it. I don't look nasty, too skinny. I weight 154 pounds and I am 5'8'' so that is good for me. Just 4 more pounds and some toning and I will be set to go! I am however, going to go to counseling for my anxiety when I get back home so that I don't get to the point where I am so sick and skinny, but I don't see myself getting that bad. (famous last words, right?)
          But other than that, I had a pretty good day! I am counting the days to go home, about 20, and Makenna is getting huge too! She is walking with furniture and pulling herself up on it! Makes me wanna cry knowing that she is growing up so fast! I'll be on again soon. FYI: this blog really helps me get out some anger and frustrations I have and has really helped through this deployment!
       

We are in the 280's

          So on our countdown til the most amazing husband has reached almost half way through the 280's! That is so amazing! I remember when we first started and even when it was 299 days to go! Time is flying sometimes. I had a serious break down yesterday night, at like 1am. I just cried, shook, and puked. I just lost it! I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Let me explain why.
          I have always had a job. When I was like 10 I started to baby sit, continued to throughout my teenage years. When I was 14, I cleaned dog kennels for a while and then when I turned 16, I got my first legit job, one where the government rapes me in taxes! I worked at a McDonald's. I also worked at a Wendy's, Burger King, another McDonald's, and did various side gigs! I have had to take care of myself, and I have worked hard doing it. When I was 17 I joined the Army, and spend the summer break between my Junior and Senior year at basic training. As soon as I graduated, I left for more training and then moved to Germany working active duty as a Military Police Officer in the Army. After I got pregnant, my husband and I made the decision to have me get out of the Army because with both of us working more than 18 hour days and being gone all the time, it wasn't possible to raise a child. I got out of the Army and have been unemployed for almost a year now, and I am going insane! But my husband doesn't want me to work at all! He wants me to focus on school and Makenna. As much as I love my daughter and I cherish every moment I have with her, I think that it would be good social development for her to go to a great daycare and me to get a job. I want to work so bad! I spend everyday in my house! I hate it! I have no life anymore and 2 friends! That's it, in Germany! I am going crazy! I spend my days cleaning the house, raising Makenna, doing homework, and being bored. I have things to do for activities, but still, I need something out of the house. I will be going back to the gym and doing boxing with my friend Alicia, but Makenna will be there! I don't want a break from her though. That's the other hard place on top of my husband totally against me working! I took her to my Mom's house today, where she was totally in good hands, because I had a softball game, and I was gone 2 hours and was distracted the whole time! I couldn't stop thinking about her. I think what I feel is that since Brandon is gone, and if Makenna is gone too, then I am alone, without anyone! I NEED my family! I LOVE my family! Now I need to explain to my husband why it is important for me to get a job and time to myself before I go insane!

          Now its about quarter to 2 am., and I am staying awake in hopes that Brandon gets online. I missed him last night because of my total breakdown, and I missed him this morning, because I assumed that because it was after midnight his time, he would be in bed, and he ended up getting online as soon as I turned off my computer! I was so angry and frustrated!!! Now I am hoping that he gets online. He sent me a FB message saying he will try to get online in the late morning his time, and it is about 10:18 am there. Who knows though! I am way tired and I want to go to bed, but I REALLY want to talk to my husband! We'll see!
          I am taking Makenna to the zoo tomorrow. It is going to be fun. My parents are taking us and the other 4 grand children too! This will be Makenna' first time to the zoo outside the womb. I went to the zoo twice when I was pregnant, one time in Michigan, and the other time in Germany. I had fun, but I think that this time will be more fun! YEAH!!!! Super excited!
          I don't know how much longer I can keep my eyes open, so I am going to go try to stay awake for a little bit longer to see if he gets online! Up date you later!









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KIA

          So, yesterday I found out that on July 05, 2011, 3 Soldiers were killed in action from and IED on the side of the road. They died from the injuries sustained from the blast. They past before any sort of medical attention could be given to them. They were in my husband's unit, separate platoons, and luckily my husband wasn't anywhere near the blast. That sounds super selfish, and I feel horrible that these innocent people died fighting for our country and I am so grateful for their sacrifice, but I am so relieved it wasn't Brandon! So after I stayed up practically the whole night because I was worried that it could of been Brandon and I just really wanted to hear his voice and to tell me he is ok, I finally fell asleep! But after that horrible night, I did wake up to a facebook message from Brandon saying "I love you! Get online!" Luckily my phone sends me updates from facebook and I jumped up and logged onto my computer. We facebook chatted for a minute and then we skyped. It was so nice to talk to him and he wasn't rushed at all. Makenna, our daughter, wasn't really interested in him at all. I think that she is forgetting who he is. She says "Dadda" still, but she doesn't react the same to him talking and his picture, like she did when he first left. Makes me sad, and I don't tell Brandon that she is forgetting you, because I don't want to upset him. So I just tell him she is teething really bad, that's all. He says ok and we move on. I think that its going to take a little bit for her to get back use to him, but he left when she was only 6 months old, she is 9 months now, and he will be home for R & R soon, and then home for good when she is almost 19 months old. That's a long time and for someone that young, its a really long time. I read online that babies don't really start remembering faces unless they are around them all the time, until about 9 months old. I see that this study is true. Makenna knows the people she see's on a daily basis, but other's she is still kind of weary about. She is getting better, but back when she was 6 months old it was like she had never met someone before, when she has. IDK! I wish there was more I could do. I show her his picture, she has a monkey (her favorite animal) with his voice recorded in it, she has a Daddy doll, which is a doll that is her Daddy. I remember back on Memorial Day weekend, we went to a support the troops event here in Michigan, and she seen a man in uniform and she was trying so hard to get him. She wanted him so bad. She threw a fit and everything. She cried and all I wanted to do was cry too. Made me super sad to see that I couldn't give her the one thing she wanted, her Daddy!
           So I have been so sick lately. I don't eat and I am constantly throwing up. I seriously think that it is becoming a problem, and I don't know what to do. I know its my stress levels and it makes it really hard for me to keep food down, or even get hungry, so I do eat. I am to the point where I am losing a lot of weight because I am not eating or keeping food down. I have to force myself to eat something or I could seriously go days without eating. I don't want people to think that I am being bulimic or something, I just can't help it. My friend's mom is really concerned and forces me to eat, she gives me zantag to help, but most of the time it don't. I feel way better after I throw up though. It's weird. I have always loved food! Never ever ever! had this issue before. This deployment is really wearing me down! My body is sore and everything! When I get back home I am going to go see the doctor!
          Speaking of throwing up, I feel it coming on! Got to go!

295 days to go!

          So 295 days to go, may not look like a big accomplishment, but I feel it is! We started at 365 days, or close to that, and we are cutting the days out! It's an amazing feeling! But I am going to be honest, I am one paranoid wife! I am the kind of wife, that doesn't care if he talks to other woman, or jokes around with them. I get jealous but I trust him and I know he is coming home to me, so it doesn't really get to me. I let him go to the bar on his guys nights out, even on stripper nights! I just don't care. But there is this girl that he is deployed with and I think that she has a crush on him. She has 87 pictures up of the deployment on facebook (which is not set to private) and 11 of them are of Brandon! Yeah, 11! Plus she has all these semi-flirty captions for them! I really don't think I would care if he was home or just gone for a couple weeks. Then he was facebook chatting with another girl he is deployed with. I know this girl and I don't think that she would ever pursue my man because she knows I would kill her, but it still bothers me now. I wish it didn't and I know it's only because he is gone and they get to be around him and not me! I am so tired of being "that" wife, where it bothers me! I am driving myself insane with my own insanity, if that is even possible! GGGGRRRRR!!!!!!! Pictures above!!!
         
         Moving on. I am so ready to go back to Germany. I just ordered the cutest luggage set because my luggage broke on my way to the states! It was old and hand-me-downs anyways, and my new luggage is amazing! I don't know if I have told ya'll but I am the biggest fan of zebra print! Here's the link to it, it won't let me save a picture! http://www.walmart.com/ip/4-pc.-Luggage-Set-Zebra/13425124    It's is amazing! Can't really beat the price! I love Walmart! One major thing I miss about America is Walmart. We could save so much money if we could get groceries, diapers, wipes, etc. from Walmart. There clothes are okay, not a big cloth shopper there, but I do look because occasionally they will have a cute shirt or tank. I did get Brandon a pair of pants from there this weekend. See, your suppose to take one civilian outfit with you to Afghanistan, because when you go on R & R, you have to wear civilian clothes from the airport in Kuwait to your final destination in Germany. Brandon had gotten quite a bit of stuff because he is a big time "Gear-do" so he didn't want to have to carry and try to fit some clothes, so I am sending him an outfit, and by time I get back to Germany, to mail him some of his clothes, he may not get them in time because of the slow ass mail system! Yes, he will be home that soon! I can't say when, but ya'll will know! I will be shouting it from my roof top in Germany, and even the devil down in hell will hear me! LOL! I make myself laugh sometimes! I say if you can't laugh at yourself sometimes, whats the point of laughing at all!
          This blog entry is taking forever for me to type, but I was interrupted by my hubster who logged on to facebook and I got to chat with him for a whole entire 7 minutes! It was so amazing! I told him how I felt bad about thinking he might like someone else and he just laughed at me! He told me to cheer up and enjoy my last few weeks in the states and when I get back to Germany, life will be back to normal and I will be missing the states! Which will kick in a few weeks after being home. Love my house and if I were in the states, I really wouldn't have any complaints! Love my family, and they are all I need though! I'd live on the moon as long as I was with them!
          Now tomorrow I am going to mail 2 packages to my hubster, one containing enough junk food to feet an Army (pun) and the other with some movies I got that apparently were mine that I let my sister borrow before I moved to Germany almost 2 years ago, and the outfit for him to go on R & R with! Then I am going to go to work with my friend Kayla. She works as a life guard at this pool, so Kenna and I are going to soak up the sun tomorrow and swim our brains out! I just bought a new bathing suit too, so I am pretty excited!!!! I've lost 14 pounds and even though I am not done losing weight, it is a start, and I am starting to feel good about myself a little bit and more comfortable in a bathing suit!
          So I have the Disney channel playing in the background and then they started talking about the Grimm
Brother's stories, such as Hansel and Gretel. Then they started talking about the Black Forest, the forest that is in pretty much all of the stories. I did some googling, and it is only 2 hours from my house! So I think that we are going to take Makenna their, when Brandon is on R & R! It'll be fall time too, so some of the leaves will be beginning to change! I love the fall, my favorite season! My favorite month is October, and that was the month my beautiful angel was born in, so I love it all the more!!

Makenna Sue on the 4th of July 2011!

          I have noticed that I ramble a lot on here! LOL! My blog, I make the rules! LOL! But I think that I am done for now. Here's a pic of my princess for the 4th of July! Love my readers!