Been awhile

                 It has been like almost 3 months since I have written here! I can't believe it! I guess I've been a little lazy and busy. I guess I haven't wanted to face the reality. My summer vacation sucked ass. Lost a really good friend of mine, but I know I am not in the wrong. I can't feel sorry for someone. I am their for my friends for when they want to talk, but I can't feel sorry for you when you did this to yourself. Enough said! Then when I came home she was disrespectful and annoying. So after almost 2 months of that, I went off the handle! I blew up! Probably could of handled it better, but all well! Life goes on! My family, husband and children, are my number one priority, nobody else. So don't ever think I am going to put you first! Then my husband had R and R a month after I got back from Michigan. We had the best 18 days of our lives. We even tried to get pregnant. I got to have 2 dates with my husband without Makenna. I got trashed one night and uber trashed the other night. We went out 2 Fridays in a row! Crazy! I missed my daughter so much though! I hate being away from her. But of course, all good things do come to an end, and Brandon is back in Afghanistan. He has been gone for 2 weeks now. Feels like longer, but its not.  His company lost his promotion packet and they have screwed up his pay. Got the pay fixed, or so I thought I did, but now they are paying me too much, and then we have IG investigating the company over the promotion thing. Ridiculous! So anyways, a lot has really changed.
          I went to the Dr's and found out I have a neurological disorder. I forget the name of it, but it pretty much means that the nerves in my spine do not listen to my brain, when my brain says everything is ok, so my spine is always freaking out! Which causes me to have muscle spasms, which has led to muscle deterioration and equilibrium issues.Medication for the rest of my life. Could of been fixed when I was a kid, but I never got tested. So Makenna will have to be tested when she is 4 years old to see if she has what I have.

           Speaking of Makenna. Her birthday is coming up. We had her party a month early when her Daddy was home to celebrate. Anyways, she has to go get her eyes tested next month. She has a contagious throat infection right now and is house bound until she gets better. Was suppose to make up my midterm exam tomorrow, but I am going to have to cancel until next week. This sucks! Can't wait for this class to be over with!
                I am really tired of school. It is exhausting and annoying me. I can't wait to be done in January, and then I am taking a BIG break from it! Then I am not going back until the Winter of 2012 when I am in Florida. Can't wait!

About Me:

          Their are many aspects of my life that nobody really knows about, some things that happened after I left my home town, at the age of 16, and moved to the Detroit area. These things still haunt me and bother me, and makes the things in my daily life, even harder to deal with. Most things I have never even told my husband. It's not that I'm keeping secrets from him, its just something that I don't want to talk about. It clouds my brain enough, does it really need to cloud my mouth too? But then sometimes it does seem like I am keeping it a secret from him, so I will tell him on R&R. He will not be mad, he'll be very understanding actually. That's what I love about him! That's all I have to say about that, now lets move on!
     
          More details about me. I grew up in the middle of no where, where I just was never meant to live. The country life is ok, but it's not how I want to live, and I'm not. Though I have enjoyed many activities that come with living in the country, ie: snowmobiling, 4-wheeling, muddin', etc. its not how I want to continue to live and I've known this since I was like 14 years old. When I moved to the Detroit area when I was 16, and truly got the feeling of what it felt like to struggle, and work my ass off just to survive, I learned that the inner city isn't for me either. I want to live in the suburbs. I want to live where their is stuff going on, and I don't have to drive an hour to get to it, like you do in the country, and I don't always want to be in the center of the action, like in the city. I definitely don't want to be back in the inner city ever again! Not worth anything to me! I hated it there, and it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever go back there!

          My mother kicked me out when I was 16 years old, for no reason. I'm not saying that for nothing, she really just up and decided one day she was done taking care of me, so I had to go. Lived with a friend for a while, but that really didn't work out. I was on my own, pretty much, and it was not fun! But I stayed in school, kept my grades up, and graduated to a better life!

          I joined the Army on September 11, 2007, initially as a reservist then went to basic training in June 2008, graduated, then returned to high school for my senior year, at the same time I chose to go active duty and become a 31B, military police officer. I went to training for that in July 2009, and then got stationed in Ansbach, Germany, in October 2009. I worked to road, as a patrol cop, partied, and met the love of my life, Brandon Michael Hetherton. He was an NCO in my unit, that happened to live across the hall from my barracks room. You've already read how we met, so we will skip that part. I got pregnant on January 17, 2010 from the love of my life. We were already talking marriage, so we just moved our wedding date up 5 months. Initially we were going to get hitched in December 2010, but we did it in July. We've been together as of this date today a year and 8 months, (almost 9) and we've been married over a year. Our anniversary for dating is November 14, 2009 and our wedding one is July 15, 2010. We are happy and we have an amazing life.

         I have a 9 month old daughter (10 in a week) named Makenna Sue Hetherton. I absolutely love her name! I think that it is creative and fun, and I have even spelled it differently than how other people do. Most spell it McKenna or MacKenna. Either way, her name only has one capital letter in it, and no C. Dare to be daring! LOL! We almost named her Cyrus Aleena Sue Hetherton. (2 middle names), but that name was cute, but she didn't feel like a Cyrus, and after knowing there are 2 scary murder creepy movies out with a killer name Cyrus, kind of glad we didn't! LOL!!  I still like the name though, but I LOVE Makenna's name. We call her Kenna most of the time, but her Daddy calls her Munkee! (Yes, I spelled monkey wrong for a reason) We made her a stuffed monkey that had her Dad's voice recorded in it for the deployment, and we had to name it, so we decided on Munkee, and instead of keeping the spelling the same, we made our own up. It came from build-a-bear workshop, so it has a birth certificate and everything. Makenna does many many many things, and she is currently exploring the walking stage. She is very smart and has always been very advanced for her age.
 

          I have a step-son named Chance Alexander Edward Hetherton. He is 9 years old. Yes, he was born when I was 11, almost 12. I didn't know Brandon back then though, so it's not weird or anything. He currently resides with his mother in Nevada for now, until we move back to the states, then he will be living with us, like it should be. He should be with his Daddy, Sister, and me. Plus there are many details about his mother that I won't exploit on the internet, for reasons why he should be living with us. Moving on.... He is a great kid, very smart, and handsome.  I love him like he is my own, and always will. I know we will hit the point in our relationship where he is going to play the "ur not my mother" card, and I say bring it on! I love him regardless, and he will know that eventually, it may just take time, a lot of time. Brandon was 17, almost 18 when Chance was born, his mother was 16. Brandon dropped out of high school and got a job and took full responsibility for his actions, or lack of actions (no condom) and has always tried to be the best father to him, even though we live 10,000 miles away in Germany. Brandon truly loves his kids with all his heart, and they are his world! I am still getting to know Chance, and I am adjusting to being a step mom. I hate that I don't get a say at all, but I'm learning to deal with that. Regardless of who's eggs he's made out of, he is an equal member in my house!

Kitchen

Balcony

Full Bathroom

Kenna's room

love seat in living room

TV wall in living room

          My house. I live in a tri-plex style home in Germany. It's kind of like a duplex, but it has 3. It's really nice for being a German home! I love it! I can't wait to get back to it. I hated how it took me being away from my house to realize how much I love it! But that's part of the learning process in life, and I have learned my lesson for sure!  It's pretty cool. I am still decorating, because its ungodly expensive, so little by little, we are getting it to where we want it. Plus, I'm not doing any painting or anything since we are moving in less than 2 years, about a year and 6.5 months from now actually! So it'll never be totally the way I want it, but its still nice! All the pics are from when we first moved in, so the bathroom isn't still empty, Kenna's room has more too it now, and the living room has been modified a bit too. But you get the idea!

chair in living room

 
           I like to sew and scrapbook, but that is currently an expensive hobby that I have had to put on hold due to finances. I have tons of scrap booking stuff, but no pictures printed out. I really need to get prints as soon as we get some extra money! My plan is to make Makenna a scrap book, well all of our kids, a scrapbook of themselves over the last year. I have everything to make Makenna's but no prints. I need to do that when I get back to Germany, so I can get her book done before her actual birthday in October. We are doing her party about 3.5 weeks early, so Brandon can be there!

           I was thinking about doing some crafts for extra money. I have noticed that people in housing on post have problems getting curtains to fit the windows. Germans have their curtains hung from their ceiling on a track. Since I can sew, and I could make any kind of curtains they wanted, any style, and material, I thought I could go into a business doing that. Maybe do my friend's houses for just the cost of the material, and then they can show it off to their friends and I could make curtains! I think that it would be fun, and that is an easy enough project to do after Kenna goes to bed for the night. I want to make curtains for my house anyways. I like mine, but I want better ones, longer ones, since the curtain rod track is almost 12 feet high! I could get creative too. My living room is done in zebra print, my favorite, and navy blue. So I could in cooperate the zebra print into the curtains somehow. Now I've got my self thinking! LOL!!!

          I have always worked. I started baby sitting at like the age of 9, and at the age of 14 I got a job cleaning kennels and doing some other odd and ends stuff, while still baby sitting. When I was 16 I worked at various fast food restaurants. I moved around quite a bit, so I had to get a new job quite a bit too. I also did some under the table gigs too, just to make ends meat. That is the reason why I joined the Army, I got tired of struggling! I hated working just to survive, I wanted to work to not only survive, but to have fun. I wanted to make something of myself too! Once I joined the Army, and moved to Germany, I had a disposable income! I had no responsibilities what so ever! A couple minor credit cards, and a cell phone, and internet bill, but that was it! It was amazing! I don't live like that anymore. I do not work, and I have a husband and kids now, and I miss that, and hopefully soon, when I get a job, get us out of debt, we can go back to having a more leisure-filled income, not completely disposable, but better than what we have now! I want to travel more too and that cost money, lots of it! Plus we are going to need more money in savings for when we get back to the states for good.

           Moving Plans: Brandon is getting a job set up for him to go to after we get back to the states, and we are looking at houses, but in the mean time while we look, we will rent a little apartment. We are going to rent an apartment because we don't want to rush our house buying. We want to move into a house that we want to keep forever, we don't want a ''starter home''. When we buy our house, we want to keep that house and never move again! Brandon and I have both moved around too much in our lives, we are tired of it, and are ready to settle in! So, taking a few months to really look at a house, and make sure we want it, is smart. We may spend more money because we will have to pay for an apartment, but it'll be worth it, knowing we truly got the house of our dreams! We are still planning to move to Florida. Going to the sunshine state. I really am not a fan of the heat, I love winters, but Brandon wants out of the snow, so we are moving. We have both agreed. It's not just because Brandon says he wants to live there either. He was willing to live in Michigan if I wanted too, and I said no way, we then decided maybe Nevada, now we have pretty much settled in on Florida. We haven't wanted to change our minds about that one! I am so excited!

          But that is a ton of information about me. Let me know about you, my readers! Going to try to sleep now. I am tired, after a failed attempt to fall asleep, and blogging for almost 2 hours, it is time to hit the sack! Good night!!!

91 Done and Gone.....

          So I found out today that my best friend in Germany, her husband just left to go join the rest of our guys in Afghan-land. I feel so bad. They let him stay behind while she was pregnant, about to deliver their twins, and now that the babies are born, but not even 2 months old, they sent him away for the remainder of the deployment. I was hoping that they would just keep putting it off, and then saying "fuck it, he don't need to go now" but they didn't! I feel so bad for her! He just left, and when Brandon first left I was a mess and I only have one child, she has a 6 year old and twins that aren't even 2 months old! I can't wait to get back to Germany to help her out and give her a shoulder to cry on or a break, time to herself, so she can cope. I had time to myself at night after Makenna went to bed, to help and cry out loud to myself, and it really made me feel so much better!

          But we are in our 90's counting how many days gone. It sometimes feels like "wow, that much time has gone" and most times it feels like "we are only in the 90's when I need to be in the 300's! FML!!!" I guess I am having both feelings at one time right now. I hope this week is a good week and things go good for my last week in the states. Tomorrow I am going to my mother's house to go swimming in her pool in the late morning and early afternoon. Then back to where I'm staying for the afternoon. Then when the evening comes around I am going to my sister's house for dinner and ice cream. It'll be a good time.

          So I am watching this show called "Dance Mom's", I think. It is about these little kids that are like 7 years old being put through dance hell. They make them wear tons of make up, and wear sexy costumes, and it is even previewing for another episode where the dance teacher has the dancers in a dance move where they lay on their stomach and stretch there legs around and over their head. She has rose stems with thorns on them so that they can learn not rest their chin on the grounds! I would be damned if they ever did that for my kid! I'd call the cops and get my child the fuck out of there!!!!

     

Need to get a job!

Makenna and I at the beach!

          Financially, I am ok. We have enough money to pay our bills and have some left over, but not tons. The Army pay is crap, and we were doing great when I was in the Army, bringing in some money. I am starting to apply for jobs for when I get back home, but they need a copy of my DD-214, proof of military discharge, in order to finish them! I don't want to start working until after Brandon's R & R because I don't want to have to go to work when he is home! I will start bringing in some money for going to school starting in September, but that still isn't a whole lot. I think that if I go to school full-time, and get a job, we could get out of debt so much faster! Then I could put tons of money away in the savings account for when we get out of the Army and buy our house. I am going to need to fill it up! LOL! I think getting a job will make me feel better too! I will put Kenna in daycare while I work (not ideal, but need too) and work! I can do it. School, work, and a Mommy, I got this! LOL!!!

          I put a picture of Makenna and I at the beach from last week! We had a good time! She is getting so big! I have decided that Makenna will know who her Daddy is when he gets home! She will remember! I am the one person in the world who knows my daughter the best, and I think she will!!!!! Anyways! Nothing else is really going on. Excited to get home! LOL!

Quotes

          After fiddling and finally figuring out the job application website, I realized that I can't finish any application at all until I scan my DD-214 form and send that with it. The DD-214 form is the most important piece of paper ever. It is my proof I was honorably discharged from the Army and it is a pain in the ass to get another copy of it, so I have a few copies stored away in a very safe place. But as soon as I get home, I'll scan it onto the computer and finish up all the applications and send them off!!! WOOT!!! WOOT!!! Now to tell my husband, who does NOT want me to work! UGGG!!!! Maybe I'll just wait until I know for sure I have a job, and get Makenna's daycare situation worked out before I tell him. I may even work there for a couple weeks to make sure I like it, just in case I don't, I make up a really good lie until I find another job! LOL!!! I hope I get a good job though!!! 
          But anyways, I decided to stay up for a couple hours to have some time to myself and to really think, and possibly see if Brandon gets online. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to talk to him SUPER DUPER BAD!!!! I decided to google Army wife quotes and stuff like that, and stumbled across a few. Now I don't want to get some plagerism accusations against me, so let me say right now, I do NOT know who is the original author is, and I did NOT write any of these myself! So here are a few that I liked a lot!


1. "I wish that you were here, but you're not here, you're there and there doesn't know how lucky it is."


2.."Distance isn't for the fearful, it's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love"


3. "We only part to meet again!"


4. "A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart."


5. "Even though it's one day further from when you saw each other last, it's one day closer to the next time you will."


6. "Where is the good in goodbye?"


7. "The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected."


8. "The thought of being with you tomorrow gives me the strength to go on today."


9. "Next Deployment always comes too soon. Love like he deploys tomorrow."


10. "You don't know, but I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one will come out without the thought of him."


          Those are just a few of my favorite ones that I skimmed over! There are tons more that are great though and they truly are pick-me-ups! ♥LML♥LMF♥

Everything is Temporary

          I am so excited to get back home. Michigan has been great, though I think I have stayed too long, but I just remember that everything is temporary and it will be a while before I am ever back in Michigan. I am talking years. I really just don't want to be in Michigan and I definitely don't want to live in Michigan. I am ready to be home, wait a month or so and get my husband back for a couple weeks! Then have him leave again, and then when he gets home we will be preparing for the move into our own house that we are buying and getting into the swing of our lives! I guess I am just really excited for February 2013 to come and we leave Germany!
          I think that Makenna has forgotten who Daddy is but then again I don't. I think that she won't be thinking "wow, that's Daddy!" but I think she will be thinking, "Wow, he looks familiar!" She may not know who exactly he is, but I don't think it will be too long where she is back to the forget about Mommy, I got my Daddy again. As much as it made me a little jealous, it was so cute and I can't wait to have that back! I really loved the fact that Makenna was a Daddy's girl before he left, and I hope, after he gets home, that she goes back to that! The only boy she is aloud to love! LOL!!!!! I wish!
          So I have to go through everything I have, try on clothes and what not, because whatever is too big for me I am not taking with me. I am downsizing because I am keeping all of Makenna's clothes just in case we have another girl in the future. No sense in wasting super cute clothes. Plus Makenna has so many clothes that she hardly wears each outfit! I love variety, so I get her tons of clothes! She's a little girl, it's in our nature! But I honestly think I would do it for a boy too! I just hate seeing the same stuff on the same baby all the time! I know kids grow out of clothes fast and it's expensive, but it is totally worth it!
          I began writing today's entry a little frustrated, but I feel better. Makenna got woken up, but then after a few minutes of play time, and Mommy crying and throwing up, she is back in bed! I am so frustrated, I think the most that Brandon told me 3 days ago that he was going to be online tomorrow (2 days ago) and he hasn't been online! I have been sitting by the computer for 2 days straight waiting for him to get on! I know he is busy, but if I miss him online he won't call me! I am going to tell him that bothers me the next time I talk to him. I hate how if I miss him on the computer he won't call me! I pay to have this stupid cell phone here in the states and he hasn't called me more than twice on the damn thing! I wouldn't of gotten it had I known he would never call me on it!!!!
          I feel like I haven't been my 100 percent parent like I am in Germany. I am still up in the air about getting a job, which, we could use the money for savings and getting out of debt faster so we can save more! I think I will, but I really don't want too, but if it will help my family out, then I'll do anything! I am just having a little bit of a hard time getting the website application stuff to work! I think I will go and try to figure it out!

OMG!!! He seen!

          So I didn't get to talk to my husband on our anniversary and that was partially Brandon's fault. He thought that Saturday was the 15th, not Friday, so when he finally realized that he had his dates messed up, it was too late to call, so he called me Saturday. Well he got online on Saturday, and then we got on skype! It was so amazing to talk to him. I got to show him the pictures too!!! My plan totally worked! He loved them, he couldn't stop smiling! Makes me feel good that he really liked them and it also made me feel better that he didn't even guess that I would do something like that for him! I will post a couple of the pics that are a little less skimpy! I loved them too! She did a couple with my daughter and I, so I want to print them out, and put them in her bedroom! Moving on. I really thought that Brandon was using the excuse that he is in Afghanistan to not do anything for me for our anniversary, and yes, I understand its hard, but I think that he was almost taking advantage of that fact. Then of course, he comes up with this fabulous idea to go to Italy for a few days when he is on R & R for our anniversary! I really felt like the biggest ass ever for assuming that Brandon didn't think about me and doing something for me for our anniversary! I think I'll keep him! LOL! So, at the beginning of September I am going to Italy for a few days! I really can't wait to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa! We are going to have so much fun, I hope Makenna enjoys it too! She'll be 11 months old by then, so big enough to not just laze around and I can get some amazing pictures too! I love my life and my amazing husband!
           I really just want to give a shout out to him! He allows me not to work, and stay at home with our beautiful daughter so I too, don't have to miss any part of her growth and development! I am also so thankful that he pretty much gets me whatever I want, if we are financially ok, he lets me buy whatever I want without saying anything! Gosh, I love this man. I wish that everyone I love could find an amazing person like I have that gives me what I need and most of what I want! He truly is one in a million! I am the luckiest woman in the world!!
          Hopefully I get to talk to him in the morning. He facebooked me today saying that he only has a second, so of course I didn't get to talk to him, and that he will be on tomorrow so we can talk! I love talking to him and he makes me feel better.
          My friend is mad at me. We are on a softball team together, and I get told about all the games and such last minute, and I have to coordinate a baby sitter. I don't want to ask her Mom because she has her son a lot, because she works, and I know she gets tired out. My Aunt just started a new job a few days ago, so I lost my sitter. So I couldn't play at the game tonight. They found an alternate to play, so it really is no big deal. Plus, I really don't have that much fun playing. I know a lot of it is missing my home and Brandon, but it's just not like it was when I played when I was a kid! I think it also was that when I was a kid, I played with all my friends that I know and grew up with. IDK. Her brother is really mean to me all the time too, and it just is really annoying. He makes all these comments, and yes I can ignore them, but after like 12 years of ignoring them, it gets old, and I just don't want to be around that. It isn't worth it too me. Why go if I can't even have a good time? Plus I got to nap while Makenna napped, and I really needed that nap. I had a really bad migraine and I think that contributed to me not wanting to play tonight either. All well., can't dwell on the past.



          Makenna is in bed for the night! She was FIGHTING her sleep so bad, and that was an understatement for sure! Tomorrow is going to be super hot again, so we are going to be house bound again in the air conditioning! So I am going to spend the day getting everything around to go home! I have a couple packages to mail to myself, but I am hoping since I have lost more weight, that I will be able to get rid of some of the clothes that were given to me, and are now too big, and condense it all down to 1 box! Then I am taking three suitcases, one duffle bag, and 2 carry-on's on the plane, along with a car seat and stroller! Too easy! I really hate travelling, but it'll be worth it to get home, back on schedule, and I can hit the gym hard core for the month before Brandon gets home, so I look HOT HOT HOT!!! for him! Almost to my goal weight and you would think that I would feel better about myself, and yes sometimes I do, but I really don't most of the time. I put on an act, and I think that I have mastered it to my loved ones, but I still feel like I look gross and disgusting! Makes me mad though, that I have lost almost 20 pounds and that isn't enough for me to feel completely good about myself! HATE THIS!!! I really want to scream and shout and yell because it seems like nothing I do is good enough for myself! I swear I judge myself to harshly, and I know I do, but I can't stop!!! Definitely going to counseling! I think that I am depressed slightly, and I need some good self-esteem booster action too! I hope boxing helps with that! I think that it would be a great help it will help me get some anxiety and tension out! I'll feel better and if I feel better, Makenna feels ultra good! Which, I am not saying she isn't happy, because I know she is, but still!