Tubal Ligation

My husband and I have come to a decision, together, that while I am getting my c-section to get my tubes tied at the same time. It was but was not an easy decision to reach. I always wanted a large family, and I think after this pregnancy, and how my body is acting, that it can't take much more of a beating that goes with child rearing. After the twins are born, then we will have 4 beautiful children, and that is more than what most people are blessed with. I am totally comfortable with the decision, as is my husband, so I just hope more people would be on board with it. Some totally understand why we are, but others think that I am too young to make such a life altering decision. I will be getting my cervix scraped after the twins are born, so carrying a child after that is going to be ultra difficult and very risky anyways, and I honestly cannot handle having another miscarriage. I am tired of fussing with birth control, and wondering all the time, so I think that getting my tubes tied is best. The husband does not want to get a vasectomy, because he doesn't want something be cut down there, and since I'll be cut for the delivery of the twins, I am just going to have them do that while their down there anyways. It is way easier than going back and getting it done at a later date. I would  pressure my husband to get a vasectomy more because it is such a quick out-patient  procedure, but since I'll already be on the surgical table with the c-section, might as well kill 2 birds with one stone. Anyways. Some women think I'm crazy, and couldn't imagine taking away their ability to rear children, but I feel that I have so many wonderful kiddos, and if I ever wanted to have more, we could adopt a child that definitely needs a good and loving home.

Looking Up

My last couple posts have been quite depressing and that's my fault. I don't want to sound like my life is so horrible, because it's really not. I have a wonderful life, it's just stressful being in the mist of moving from one county to another, pregnant with twins, and an almost 2 year old. Not to mention, the entire move, I will be doing solo because Brandon still hast time left here in Germany. It's just su per frustrating trying to not only get everything taken care of here to leave, having something established in the states to go too, and not having an exact fly-out date because the Army is being super slow with the paperwork. It's not that I can't handle doing everything, it's that I can't handle the unknowns involved in the situation. I am a careful  planner, and like to have all my ducks in a row before jum ping into a new adventure. I am so excited to get back home to my family and friends after being a part for 3 years. It'll be nice for Makenna to have family to grow u p with now too, and of course Chance and the twins. Either way, my life is actually going quite well, just some days I find it hard to see all the wonderful things in my life, from all the stress of this move.

TWINS:

Kynsley

Reese

The twins are doing so well. As of today, I am 23 weeks and 6 days along. We have officially found out that one is a girl, and one is a boy. Kynsley Riann, our little girl, and Reese Wyatt, our little boy, are growing so well, at the rate of a single baby pregnancy. This is great, so that when they are born, around 36 weeks, they won't be too small. I am hoping to hold them in there longer, but it's not realistic since they already are so cramped. I've gained about 20 pounds, give or take, but I lost 14 pounds first, so I have really only gained 6 pounds from where we started on day one. I have to wear a belly support band, because these babies really do a number to my already hurting back. It's pretty comfortable, and easy to wear, and it hides under clothes well, so I can wear it all the time. Today we went to see a specialist first, to measure all the organs, bones, skin, etc. development and he found that both babies are literally neck in neck in growing. They are both just over 12 inches tall, and weight about a pound a piece. They are a couple ounces underweight, but a few centimeters, taller than the average, but it's nothing to worry about. The Dr. took one look and Makenna (because she is so tall and slender) and said ''that explains it''. Then we had a regular OBGYN appointment this afternoon, and he pretty much told me the same thing. Everything seems to be looking good for them, and he said that I am very lucky to have normal babies in a twin pregnancy. 

MAKENNA:

Makenna is doing well. She is 22 months old and has really started taking off with her talking. She only really talks for me though, not anyone else. If I don't put her on the spot to talk, she'll talk away. I haven't weighed or measured her lately, but I'm going to say huge! LOL! She's real tall and slender, as she has always been since birth. She has long dirty blonde hair with a hint of strawberry blonde in it too, and gorgeous big blue eyes. She is really attached to this stuffed horse her Daddy got her, and never lets it go. It even went to the Dr.'s with us this morning. She just loves that thing. She feeds it, and rides it, it's so cute. I really love having a toddler, because she just loves to learn, but getting her to sit still for classroom time, has become quite a chore. I just bought this new monthly program that's suppose to help teach children the classroom stuff, but also keep their interest long enough to want to sit still. I am starting it on the 1st, after I get all the supplies needed, and I really hope she likes it. She's just go-go-go and so very independent, that it's hard for her to let me do things for her. She is such a thinker though, and it doesn't take her more than a second or two to figure out how something new works. She can label things quite well, and understands everything I say to her. I've been trying to get her to adjust to helping me with chores. She has always kind of helped, but never had a set schedule, so we are working on that. There is so much she can do, even just cleaning up her toys from whatever room of the house they are in, is so much help. Some days she's amazing at it, but other days she just wants nothing to do with it. We started potty training a little bit, but with a big move around the corner, I'm not pushing it. I am really in no hurry to have her potty trained. It would be nice, but it's not really necessary at this point. I don't mind her still in diapers. Once we get into our new home, then I am going to crack down on it, but until then, I think I'll enjoy the last thing that's really keeping her a baby. :)

HUSBAND AND I:

Brandon's B-day Cake

We are doing really well. Our marriage isn't perfect, but we find ways to work things out, and make the best out of the situation we are in. Brandon is, but is not looking forward to Makenna and I leaving. He is going to miss Makenna so much, well me too, but more so his little princess. That's totally understandable. He is just looking forward to the day where Chance and Makenna will be with him and he'll never have to say good-bye again. (the twins too) He gets tired of being away from the kids, and I couldn't imagine what that is like. Thankful for him liking that I stay at home with the kiddos, so that I never have to say good-bye, and that the kids have at least one parent that isn't gone away to work all the time. Brandon also just celebrated his 28th birthday. We had a party for him, and I had a bomb-ass cake made for my zombie loving husband. It was delicious too! We had a few friends over, and then on his actual birthday, he had to work (it was a Friday), but afterwards he went out with some of the guys to the bar and had a boys night. He really deserves to have some good ole' fun with the boys, since most of them are leaving here any day now. I am doing okay also. Besides being stressed from the move, everything else seems to be going well. We have a lot going on the next month or so, with moving and packing, but we'll make it through okay. I am finally gaining weight with the pregnancy, though heartburn is no fun. Other than being pregnant, I have nothing new with me. I ended classes the first week of August, so now I am just waiting til January to start up again. I am looking forward to our future in Michigan, and staying as positive as possible!!!! :)

Trying to stay positive

It's been quite frustrating these last few weeks, and I am doing everything humanly possible to stay positive, but it's defiantly getting harder and harder as the days go on. I am still waiting on my paperwork to get done so that I can leave here, and until that mess gets taken care of, I can't do anything. I'm a sitting duck and I can't stand it. I am trying to be proactive, and figure things out, but it's hard. I found an apartment, paid to have it held and everything, so now I am just waiting on giving them a move-in date. It's only a 3 bedroom, when we need at least 4, but we can make due for the time being. When Chance moves in with us, I think we'll just put the cribs in our bedroom, and give Chance their room. It's only for a year, and Chance really won't be living with us until February, so it's only going to be like 7 months of being a little cramped. We all have to make sacrifices. We want to buy a house, by time our lease is up. Brandon is going to go to be a cop, and I am going to continue to stay at home with the kiddos, because daycare is too expensive. It would cost me my entire paycheck to pay for daycare, so it's not worth it. It's not ideal, because I was looking forward to going back to work, but unless I can find a job that is going to pay me over $20 an hour, right now, it's just not an option. I will continue to get my degrees, and once I am done with those, the kids should be in school, so then I would only being paying for after school care, maybe, because Chance will be plenty old enough to watch the kids after school for an hour or two. 

Getting off track here. I am just frustrated with this place because it has been in the 90's, which is unheard of in Germany. There is no air conditioning, and the fans are not cutting it. The sun bleeds through the windows turning my house into a sauna, no matter how hard I try to block out the sun. Then it's dark and gloomy in the house, because I can't let too much sun in or else it gets too hot. I like a bright place to live in, and this is just depressing. My house work has declined because I get so hot, and light headed. I hate seeing a mess in the house, even though it's mainly toys and small things, that in itself is depressing too. I am stuck in the house, day in and day out, because even if I take the car from my husband, there is no place to go, and really no one to hang out with. I am just tired of being depressed and alone. My husband doesn't understand how difficult this has been for me, and so that is just causing small conflict between us, and I am tired of that too! I am just at my wit ends with this place and I can't handle this for much longer. I really am at my breaking point. If it would just cool the heck down, that would help out so much, and then if they would get my paperwork done, that would be even more helpful.

I really and trying to enjoy having our family together because when we go back to the states, Brandon is here in Germany until January. I don't want to be separated, but it's what needs to happen to make sure we are all set to go for when Brandon is home for good. plus, I don't want to have these babies here in Germany, pay the hundreds of dollars to do their birth registration, and then fly them across the ocean as newborns with a 2 year old and a cat. 

I'm just ready to move on with my life. I am appreciative of everything I have, and everyone in my life, but man, it's so hard to be optimistic and not get in a depressive funk, when it seems like your just stuck in limbo.