Trying to stay positive

It's been quite frustrating these last few weeks, and I am doing everything humanly possible to stay positive, but it's defiantly getting harder and harder as the days go on. I am still waiting on my paperwork to get done so that I can leave here, and until that mess gets taken care of, I can't do anything. I'm a sitting duck and I can't stand it. I am trying to be proactive, and figure things out, but it's hard. I found an apartment, paid to have it held and everything, so now I am just waiting on giving them a move-in date. It's only a 3 bedroom, when we need at least 4, but we can make due for the time being. When Chance moves in with us, I think we'll just put the cribs in our bedroom, and give Chance their room. It's only for a year, and Chance really won't be living with us until February, so it's only going to be like 7 months of being a little cramped. We all have to make sacrifices. We want to buy a house, by time our lease is up. Brandon is going to go to be a cop, and I am going to continue to stay at home with the kiddos, because daycare is too expensive. It would cost me my entire paycheck to pay for daycare, so it's not worth it. It's not ideal, because I was looking forward to going back to work, but unless I can find a job that is going to pay me over $20 an hour, right now, it's just not an option. I will continue to get my degrees, and once I am done with those, the kids should be in school, so then I would only being paying for after school care, maybe, because Chance will be plenty old enough to watch the kids after school for an hour or two. 

Getting off track here. I am just frustrated with this place because it has been in the 90's, which is unheard of in Germany. There is no air conditioning, and the fans are not cutting it. The sun bleeds through the windows turning my house into a sauna, no matter how hard I try to block out the sun. Then it's dark and gloomy in the house, because I can't let too much sun in or else it gets too hot. I like a bright place to live in, and this is just depressing. My house work has declined because I get so hot, and light headed. I hate seeing a mess in the house, even though it's mainly toys and small things, that in itself is depressing too. I am stuck in the house, day in and day out, because even if I take the car from my husband, there is no place to go, and really no one to hang out with. I am just tired of being depressed and alone. My husband doesn't understand how difficult this has been for me, and so that is just causing small conflict between us, and I am tired of that too! I am just at my wit ends with this place and I can't handle this for much longer. I really am at my breaking point. If it would just cool the heck down, that would help out so much, and then if they would get my paperwork done, that would be even more helpful.

I really and trying to enjoy having our family together because when we go back to the states, Brandon is here in Germany until January. I don't want to be separated, but it's what needs to happen to make sure we are all set to go for when Brandon is home for good. plus, I don't want to have these babies here in Germany, pay the hundreds of dollars to do their birth registration, and then fly them across the ocean as newborns with a 2 year old and a cat. 

I'm just ready to move on with my life. I am appreciative of everything I have, and everyone in my life, but man, it's so hard to be optimistic and not get in a depressive funk, when it seems like your just stuck in limbo.