Angry!

So I got into it pretty bad with my mother. Granted, we don't have the best relationship in the world, and most days we either agree to disagree, or argue. Sometimes I wish that we were closer, but most days, I don't. I like who I am, and I don't want to change me, and that's the only way we would be able to change, since she'll never change or compromise with anything. She doesn't treat my step son fairly, and for that, she won't be welcome in my family, and I asked her to be there for the birth of the new baby and that was a no. She used work as an excuse. I think what bothers me the most is, that if it was my sisters having a baby in another state, she'd be there for them, like she always is, but yet again, she won't be there for me! Things are tough, when you know that your mother likes her first two more than me. She'll deny that though. I'll just know that how
I raise my kids, and how close they'll be too me isn't because of anything she taught me. I love her to death, I just wish she loved me, as much as I love her.

CAUGHT UP!

I wasn't really falling behind on school, but I was playing the last minute Sally game. I was doing all my homework last minute, and that just stresses me out, and gives me anxiety like crazy, so I don't know why I let myself do it. Sometimes the house and Makenna keep me too busy, and sometimes, I just really don't feel like doing anything, especially with morning sickness from hell.

Tomorrow my softball team has their first away game. We have to share the bus with the next level players, so even though are game ends at 1300, we have to wait another 2 hours for the other girls' game to end, before traveling over an hour back home. I'll be spending one of the nicest days we've seen in weeks, in Hohenfels hanging out with 10-12 year old girls. It's not going to be too bad, I would just much rather enjoy the day playing at the park with Kenna and the hubby.

Update of the Diva

Updates of the Diva

Tomorrow is giving Daddy a good full day to play with Kenna. They usually get Daddy-Daughter time Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, while I am at school or coaching, but it's at the end of the day, Brandon and her are very tired, and it's usually more of a Daddy-Daughter relaxing session. This is his first real chance to actually get a full day with her, just the two of them, and the weather is going to be so nice, they'll be able to get out of the house, ride her quad, let her play in the backyard with her toys, and take her down to the park that's just around the block. Plus he is going to clean out the Jeep too. It's not bad, just needs a wipe down, and vacuuming.

Stuck on baby names! We found a really good baby boy name we LOVE!! If we are having a boy, he will be named Reese Wyatt Hetherton. It's a strong name. Reese means enthusiasm, and Wyatt means brave and strong. The names do not come from anyone particular. Makenna shares my middle name, but this baby, if a boy, will have no family ties regarding his middle name. A girl name, we are very stuck on. We like a few, but none I truly LOVE. We like Cassidy, Sawyer, Monroe, and Blake. I love the name Kensington for a girl, but Brandon says no way in hell because apparently it's some sort of computer software brand. All's I know, is it is a palace. I love it, and he hates it! We were thinking about using Faye as a middle name, since it's Brandon's mother's middle name, but we aren't dead set on that either, so if it doesn't work it doesn't. We also thought about using Judith as a middle name, after my step-mom, but same applies like Faye. How to sell Brandon on Kensington, is the real question!


Graduation is in 8 days, but classes don't actually end for another 16 days. Looking forward to both, but I am working on signing up for more classes to start at the end of May. I am taking two psychology classes, as my last I take at the University of Maryland. They are just extra classes, so I can still get paid to go to school for part of May, June, and most of July. That's more moving money we can save for the baby and to move. Looking forward to our future!!!!

Step back... make a list.. conquer all

Lately, since the exciting news of us leaving the Military lifestyle and moving to Florida this summer, and the even more exciting news that we are expecting another child, my mind has been scrambling to stay focused on "today's" tasks instead of tomorrows. I cannot wait to move and to continue our lives without the tie down of the military and living in a foreign country, which has strained both my husband and I's patience. We want to be back in America so bad! I have graduation on May 5th, though classes don't end until the 13th of May, but I have been lazy with homework and studying. I am barely doing the bare minimum to get by, and that's not me. I like school, and I'm pretty good at it too. I'm losing focus! I just forced myself to sit down to and finish an assignment, and I still have quite a few more. I know that now that I am realizing that I am unfocused, I'll get back into "shape" about it.
Morning sickness has settled into the Hetherton household also. I am nauseous and throwing up. It is making me tired, which sucks, because I am already exhausted most of the time already. I was tired a lot with my pregnancy with Makenna, but I worked, and had a distraction. This pregnancy I have distractions, just not too many that get me out and on my feet constantly. I am barely 6 weeks pregnant, so I know that this is only the beginning, but I was so optimistic when we were planning another pregnancy. I was so sick with Makenna also, but I was having the beliefs that "every pregnancy is different". Well, this one is mirroring the last one, so maybe it means we're having another girl! We should fine out for sure in mid-July.

Daddy wants a girl, and Mommy wants both! LOL! (I'm way too undecided!)

When do you "do" you?

So, I'm getting pretty excited about moving to Florida. So excited, that I am having troubles focusing on school and my graduation is in 2 weeks!!! I think that I am going to spend this evening doing everything this week for school, and try to get a jump start on next weeks. Though my graduation ceremony is on the 5th of May, classes don't actually end until May 13th!!! I have "senioritis!" LOL. I just have to remember it's the last few weeks, then 2 weeks off, and classes start again! Graduating with an associates degree is pretty much saying "Hey, great job, you're half-way there! You'll get it eventually!" LOL It's a start! Plus, I did a 2 year program in 1 year. I am not going to lye, I didn't get the grades I would of had, had I been able to take normal college, where classes were face to face or I could get help, when I needed it. Plus, in the states, I am able to get more studying time in the college library, if needed. Excuses, aside, I'm graduating, and I have a college in Florida to look forward too, to give me a real college experience. Then maybe, I'll stop having the feeling I'm a 35 year old housewife, working at something I should of done decades ago!! Yes, I'm only 21, but most days, I'm 35, and I even have days where I am 85! Jokes aside, sometimes it's hard to feel like I'm in my low 20's, when I'm a wife, living overseas, married to the Army, have a 9 year old step-son, 18 month old Diva, and another on the way! Life get's to be overwhelming at times. I don't regret my life, because I love where I am in life, but sometimes I feel like I won't get the chance to make my mark on the world; that I am just someones wife, someones mom, someones housekeeper, and someones errand girl. I don't want to sound selfish, but I have spent my whole life "doing" everyone else, then got to "do" me for a little bit, and then went right back to everyone else. I love helping others, and being there for others, but occasionally, maybe once every couple of years, I want someone to "do" me, hand me the world, and be the errand person, the mom, the housekeeper, the cook, etc. But having one day of total peace and non-responsibility isn't worth not having the other 364 days of chaotic bliss! Ya'll know what I'm talking about! Nothing can replace the sleepless nights filled with a bubbly baby that just wanted to play, the huge smile you get woken up at 6am(when they just let you get to bed at 4), and the baby barf stains on your clothes because you needed that burp to come out to get that bubbly baby back! It's not for everyone, but it sure the heck is for me!

FLORIDA!!

Making the decision on what to do with your life and more importantly what to do with your family's life is probably the hardest decision ever!! Brandon and I had decided a while back to get out of the Army and move either to Florida or Reno, Nevada. Then we decided it would be easier to stay in for a couple more years, and leave the Army while we were already in the states. Well, it would be easier to stay in the Army, but just because it's easier, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do for our family. After getting a few signs that the Army lifestyle isn't for us, we are making the difficult decision to leave the comfort of the military and venture out on our own. The decision was not made lightly at all. These are the signs me got:

• Was told we could re-enlist for Arizona (where we want to go) but would be forced to go to New York
• Was told we could have 2 years at least until Brandon deploys again, and he would have to deploy right away again and miss the first year of our 3rd child's life
• I didn't get excepted into State of New York University teaching program
• Got accepted into Southern Florida State University teaching program
• Brandon failed his first PT test in over 6 years of military service
• Brandon's back and knees are starting to give out
• We have to ask permission to travel more than 2 hours away

These aren't even all the signs that we should leave the military, only a few. After weighing the odds, we found that no amount of money is worth constantly being a part and me having to raise our 3 children alone. The Army has cause countless arguments and fights because we have to schedule our lives around it, and we have to give up everything and put what we want on hold. It's just not worth it. We have had pay issues since the get go. The Army owes us over 2 grand, and they still haven't fixed it. We aren't aloud to raise hell because Brandon will get in trouble. That is ridiculous! Yes, we'll have to work in the states, but our family will come first for a change, which will be nice. I want our kids to grow up in the same area, not constantly moving around. So anyways, we are leaving the military. The tentative plan for now is for me to leave in August, so that I can start school at the Southern Florida State University, and Brandon would come in December. He will miss the birth our bitsey, unless he or she wants to be a couple weeks late. Bitsey (nickname) is due December 19th and Brandon won't be home until December 24th. At least he should be home for Christmas. I am probably going to stay with my grandparents for a minute so that I can get settled in and wait for Brandon to come in December. I want to be in an apartment no later than November. I want to have the the apartment all set up and ready for Brandon and the newest baby to come. Plans are still a little sketchy, but I'll let you know what the actual plans are when I know for sure!  

Baby Hetherton #3 and more

Brandon and I decided in the middle of March, when I was on my period, to try for another baby. We were waiting for the "perfect" time to have another, but heck, if we ever waited for the perfect time, then we wouldn't have the two wonderful children we have! LOL! The week leading up to my period, I took 2 at home tests, and one at the Dr's (urine) and they were all negative. Then Easter Sunday evening, after our egg hunt and BBQ, I got the sudden urge to take the last at home test I had in the house! It was POSITIVE!!! Brandon was in his room, playing video games, and I came in smiling and told him while showing him the test! He was like "I figured! The way we've been doing it, there would be something wrong with us both, if we weren't!" So needless to say, I got a much better reaction this time around, and it was a little funny! (I didn't get any reaction out of him for a week after telling him with our 1st pregnancy.) We are both excited!! We will be moving again with this pregnancy. I'll be 30 something weeks along when we fly from Germany to Fort Drum, New York. Great! I hate flying when I am prego!! We should be leaving Germany the beginning of October, and Makenna may be able to spend her 2nd Birthday in the states! (I still think its funny that she is an American, but has never actually lived in America!)

Still don't know when we are getting Chance. Papers are filed, we are just waiting for the judges signature. Then we will have to do EFMP stuff, which is just crap so that he can come to Germany. Then get him command sponsored, and flown over here. It is just a mess! I wish they would let us leave before October, but it is giving us a chance to save more money, seeing how money is going to be tighter, much tighter when we get to the states. We won't be getting paid cost of living allowance, and we will be paying about $300 out of pocket for rent, which we don't have to here. We'll make it work, and we are saving ever last penny now, so we won't have to struggle too much.

So, it is said that buying something for your baby in your belly until you are about 3 months along. Well, I say that's dumb! It's like giving your baby a chance of death, and after having a miscarriage in October of 2011, I have decided I am going to enjoy every second I have with this baby, even if, for whatever reasons God may have, it isn't very long. I have faith, and I am looking forward to this baby to come on or around December 19, 2012!!!

I know I am jumping around a lot, so good luck keeping up! LOL!!

I had a substitute teacher interview, and got the job. But it is on-call, and not consistent. Then I got a job working 20 hours a week at a daycare 40 minutes, but I have to turn that one down, because I won't make enough to cover the cost of gas and daycare. I do have a job interview on Monday with the credit union on post. It's working part-time, but I'll get like 30-35 hours a week and it is only a mile and a half from my house. So I will make plenty of money to pay for daycare and gas, plus be able to save some!! YEAH!! I hope I get it!

That's all I got for now. I'm sure there is more, just can't get my mind straight. Super tired!!! Good night world!