The Day He Left

(I'm not writing the actual day he left.)

              I wanted to start this journal the day my husband left for Afghanistan, but I couldn’t. I really wanted to and even now it’s hard to start it and he has been gone for 45 days. I think I put off starting this journal because, well, I didn’t really want to believe that the love of my life will be gone for an entire year! That’s a long time. Some may say a year is nothing, but when your 20 years old, a year is forever!

               Looking back to the day he left makes me cry as I am writing about it. We spent the entire day lying in bed, watching House, one of our favorite series we decided to start watching just a few weeks before. We finished season 1 and we were working on season 2, but we were only a few episodes in. I remember joking around with Brandon saying that whatever was wrong with the patients on the show was either auto-immune deficiency or Staph infection. But miraculously, it was always some rare disease or disorder, that would take the entire episode to figure out. Anyways, let’s get back on track.

               It was*******(cannot post date due to security), 2011. Brandon, our then 6 month old daughter, Makenna Sue, and I spent the day in our king size double pillow top of heaven of a bed, watching one of our favorite shows and spending family time together. It was so nice. It took everything in me not to cry, and sometimes the battle of emotions I was fighting to hide, won out. Brandon would sit there and console me and tell me a year isn’t anything. He would then tell me “Remember almost an entire year ago we were on vacation in Spain having the time of our life?” I would start remembering that fantastic Memorial Day weekend, May 2010, when we went to Spain with good friends of ours. After 18 hours on a bus there, and 20 hours on a bus, home, swelled feet, and miserably pregnant, that was the most memorable vacation ever, and I will never forget that 4 day weekend!

               So I am wondering again. At 0000 (midnight) Brandon had to report to the platoon office with us waiting for the bus to arrive and take him to Ramstein Air Base, about 4 hours away, too take him to Afghanistan, away from me and away from our daughter. Now this isn’t Brandon’s first deployment. He was deployed before in 2008 for almost 16 months! I didn’t even know him back then. Gosh, in March 2008, when he left, I was finishing my junior year of high school. Brandon was unhappily married to another woman and we were on complete opposite ends of the globe. I was in Michigan and he was in Germany, where we are now.

               It is just crazy to think that when I was finishing my junior year of high school and heading off to basic training for the Army myself in June, my future husband was in Afghanistan.

               Back to the day he left. We sat around in the platoon office with all the other soldiers in my husband’s platoon, and their wives and children. Just imagine being in the saddest room, where all everyone wanted to do was cry, but nobody did, and everyone was super fake trying to where their brave face! That was me too. I was the biggest fake up there, smiling, when inside I was frowning and crying. At about 0200(2 am) Brandon’s platoon Sergeant, Sergeant First Class type, kicked all the spouses and children out. He wanted everyone to leave before the bus came, so it would be easier to get the soldiers on the bus. I understand now looking back, why he did that, but that night, I was calling him every bad name in the book! The only thing that crossed my mind was “How f***ing dare you, you get him for an entire year, give us our last hours together!” and many more thoughts with many more horrible words. The Brandon carried Makenna to our car in her infant car seat, said his good byes to her, even though she had fallen asleep, and Daddy woke her to say good bye. They we held each other and I cried like a baby and I know Brandon was just being strong in front of me because it would probably make it worse if he cried too.

               He had cried just a few days before because our daughter was only 6 months old and he wasn’t going to be able to hold her, or cuddle her, or play video games with her. Makenna usually watched, but it was still bonding. Makenna is a big Daddy’s girl. He was also very upset about his son. Brandon has an 8 year old son that lives in Nevada. His son, Chance, isn’t from his ex-wife, but a high school fling. My husband was “16 and pregnant”. When he joined the Army in 2006, when Chance was 4 years old, he had to move away from him to Germany, and he’s been there ever since. He sees his son about every 6 months, and it breaks his heart being away from his son every day! Brandon loves his son and daughter with all of his heart. He is such an amazing father! I couldn’t ask for a better husband and father to our kids.

               When I had to say “see you later”, never “good-bye”, he made me promise him that I wouldn’t cry and drive. It was already the middle of the night, and crying while driving is way dangerous, so I made that promise. And I was so proud of myself for keeping it! Thankfully, we only live a 5 minute drive away. As soon as the ignition cut out, I cried like the biggest baby ever! I had to then carry Makenna up the stairs, who was awake from Daddy saying his “see ya soon Munkee” to her. She ended up staying awake until well after 4 am. But her being awake, made me stop crying and hold it together. We returned to the same king size double pillow top of heaven, bed, just a little more empty, to watch House again until she fell asleep. Then I fell asleep too. Makenna slept with me that night and that made me feel so much better. I couldn’t stand having her out of my sight for a single second! She is a Brandon Jr. in the way she looks and the way she acts, so she really helped me get through the first few hours being the gorgeous happy, smiling baby she always is.