Reflecting

 
     11 months ago, almost to the exact day, I said good-bye to my husband and our friends so they could go to Afghanistan. I remember the anxiety building for months. My daughter had just turned 6 months old, and she had to be strong for a year, without her Daddy! I too, was faced with the reality of wondering not if I could do it on my own, but why do I have to do it on my own? My daughter and son deserve their Daddy! But, then I had to remember, that I am not married to just an ordinary man, I am married to a hero, one of the few, our nation counts on to protect our rights and freedoms we enjoy so much. After taking that into consideration, I didn't feel any better. All I could think about was our 6 month old baby girl, who couldn't walk, talk, or even crawl yet, was going to be completely different when Daddy comes home. She was going to be 18 months old! He missed her 1st real Christmas, where she could actually open gifts, he missed her first 4th of July, her 1st birthday, a Thanksgiving where she could actually eat turkey, and so much more! He missed the first time she crawled, the first time she walked, and the first time she said "Daddy". Even though he is home, this still makes me cry.

     In November, after a year of seeing specialist after specialist, I was diagnosed with muscle deterioration in my back, lets, and arms. I also was diagnosed with a neurological disorder, that pretty much prevents my brain from communicating with the nerves in my spine, causing obscene amount of pain, and random paralysis of the spine. After dealing with all of that, and getting my many medical questions answered, I had to figure out what I was going to do with my daughter, who couldn't walk at the time, when I can't move. After a very scary emergency trip to the hospital, and having to have the MP's break into my house, to get me in an ambulance, I realized that at 21 years old, my body was quitting on me, and I didn't know what I was going to do if I couldn't be 100% for my daughter. I was alone in a foreign country without relatives back in the states to help me, so ERODing wasn't an option. After more tests and confirmation, we found that the only medicine that is going to help me be "normal" made me sleep, so taking that wasn't an option.

     Three days before Christmas I was told that my husband was being released from theatre, so that he can come home and help me with my many appointments, and to help me, if I get to the point where I can't move again, I won't have to worry about our daughter. Being a mother, it was the hardest thing in the world, excepting that, for the time being, I am broken and I need help, which is something I never ask for! After the Army got all the paperwork done, I was reunited with my husband and our daughter with her father, on January 19, 2012.

     I am doing better, and trying new things to control the issue. My Dr. even cleared me to start doing some light physical training.

     Today, 22 MAR 12, the rest of my husband's company came back! Unfortunately 4 Soldiers were watching from heaven, but I know they were protecting them for their journey home. It was the most emotional thing ever! These Soldiers were my friends, they use to be my co-workers, and they are a part of my family. They were there from the beginning of Brandon and I, and were there when Makenna was born. Anyways, they are home safe, and I was honored to be able to photograph the Ansbach Soldier's and be apart of their homecoming, though my true love was already home.