We are in the 280's

          So on our countdown til the most amazing husband has reached almost half way through the 280's! That is so amazing! I remember when we first started and even when it was 299 days to go! Time is flying sometimes. I had a serious break down yesterday night, at like 1am. I just cried, shook, and puked. I just lost it! I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Let me explain why.
          I have always had a job. When I was like 10 I started to baby sit, continued to throughout my teenage years. When I was 14, I cleaned dog kennels for a while and then when I turned 16, I got my first legit job, one where the government rapes me in taxes! I worked at a McDonald's. I also worked at a Wendy's, Burger King, another McDonald's, and did various side gigs! I have had to take care of myself, and I have worked hard doing it. When I was 17 I joined the Army, and spend the summer break between my Junior and Senior year at basic training. As soon as I graduated, I left for more training and then moved to Germany working active duty as a Military Police Officer in the Army. After I got pregnant, my husband and I made the decision to have me get out of the Army because with both of us working more than 18 hour days and being gone all the time, it wasn't possible to raise a child. I got out of the Army and have been unemployed for almost a year now, and I am going insane! But my husband doesn't want me to work at all! He wants me to focus on school and Makenna. As much as I love my daughter and I cherish every moment I have with her, I think that it would be good social development for her to go to a great daycare and me to get a job. I want to work so bad! I spend everyday in my house! I hate it! I have no life anymore and 2 friends! That's it, in Germany! I am going crazy! I spend my days cleaning the house, raising Makenna, doing homework, and being bored. I have things to do for activities, but still, I need something out of the house. I will be going back to the gym and doing boxing with my friend Alicia, but Makenna will be there! I don't want a break from her though. That's the other hard place on top of my husband totally against me working! I took her to my Mom's house today, where she was totally in good hands, because I had a softball game, and I was gone 2 hours and was distracted the whole time! I couldn't stop thinking about her. I think what I feel is that since Brandon is gone, and if Makenna is gone too, then I am alone, without anyone! I NEED my family! I LOVE my family! Now I need to explain to my husband why it is important for me to get a job and time to myself before I go insane!

          Now its about quarter to 2 am., and I am staying awake in hopes that Brandon gets online. I missed him last night because of my total breakdown, and I missed him this morning, because I assumed that because it was after midnight his time, he would be in bed, and he ended up getting online as soon as I turned off my computer! I was so angry and frustrated!!! Now I am hoping that he gets online. He sent me a FB message saying he will try to get online in the late morning his time, and it is about 10:18 am there. Who knows though! I am way tired and I want to go to bed, but I REALLY want to talk to my husband! We'll see!
          I am taking Makenna to the zoo tomorrow. It is going to be fun. My parents are taking us and the other 4 grand children too! This will be Makenna' first time to the zoo outside the womb. I went to the zoo twice when I was pregnant, one time in Michigan, and the other time in Germany. I had fun, but I think that this time will be more fun! YEAH!!!! Super excited!
          I don't know how much longer I can keep my eyes open, so I am going to go try to stay awake for a little bit longer to see if he gets online! Up date you later!









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